40 Things No One Told You About Child Birth

40 things no one told you about birth

No fluff, let’s get right to it…..


1. No one told me it would feel like the baby was coming out of your butt. -Regina

2. That the cramps after (after pains) would be WORSE than a lot of the contractions during labor. -Kathy

3. The ring of fire is no joke…it felt like I was sitting on a million BIRTHDAY CANDLES. -Angela

4. The first time you stand up after a c-section, you will feel like all of your GUTS are going to spill out of you. -Viva

5. If baby comes out of lady bits, prepare for the reality that the topography of your vulva will be changed for the immediate future. -Tabatha

6. That first poop after giving birth is terrifying. -Ashley

7. NO ONE told me that you bleed for 6 weeks after, i was shocked! -Chelington

8. Wait, you mean the contractions are going to keep going and I have to deliver the placenta too?!? -Meredith

9. No one told me LEMAZE class covered up until they said, “ok time to push” what?? what do I do now. -Michelle

10. The urge to push is like the urge to sneeze, you can’t NOT do it. It just happens. -Angela

11. Nobody told me I’d be afraid to shower after my section! My hubby showered me for 6 weeks! It’s NOT as fun as it sounds. – Jenny

12. Breastfeeding is a learning process for BOTH mom and baby. It is not something most of us automatically know how to do. -Marcy

13. No one told me that as soon as the baby came out during natural delivery the pain would go away almost instantly… Helped me make it thru my second natural delivery better!  -Michelle

14. You bleed a lot more after a vaginal birth. No one goes in and cleans it all out like after a cesarean (this is very important for VBAC moms). -Chylain

15. Nobody told me that peeing afterwards was SUCH a production and that it was easier to just go in a depends. -Angela

16. Depends are your friend. -Julie

17. No one told me that large chunks of things, other than the baby, would fall out of your vagina. -Viva

18. A Semi damp frozen pad is HEAVEN – Jessica

19. For weeks, even months after a csection when your laying down you have to roll to the side and use your arms to push yourself up, so you dont use your stomach muscles. -Chelington

20. No one told me one week after giving birth I would have my husband drizzling honey on my junk to help the stitches heal. ;-/  -Meredith

21. That a bm (bowel movement) will feel like giving birth over and over again. And that rearranging all of your insides will likely mean that they will indefinitely work differently post baby. -Jamie

22. None of my mainstream friends supported the home birth idea, it WAS the most empowering experience of my life, it made me a Mother! -Vicky

23. No body told me I would need pads during labor cuz I might pee during each contraction. -Maggie

24. Afterpains get worse with each baby! Ouch! -Ashley

25. It hurt like a mofo to laugh after my c-section. -Julie

26. Expectations are the kiss of death. -Angela

27. No one told me that I wouldn’t be able to lean over to change my baby’s diaper for days after a csection. -Chelington

28. When your milk comes in, you will leak all over the place.  -Marcy

29. It can take longer than 6 weeks to get your mojo (and your lady bits) back in place. That goes for both c/s and vag deliveries. -Tabatha

30. No one told me how much blood to expect after my first delivery and that I would be squirting myself clean after every bathroom break for a week! -Michelle S.

31. It hurts to breathe after a cesarean. -Chylain

32. No one told me my vagina would swell. I.E. cheeseburger crotch. -Lisa

33. No one told me you CAN NOT wear thong underwear postpartum. -Elaine

34. How incredible it would be without the hospital and the interventions, you really can do it. -Samantha

35. That you could put an ice pack down there, learned that the second time around. -Kaley

36. Adult diapers are perfect for postpartum bleeding! – Tobborah

37. Oh and nobody told me that my post pregnancy CONSTIPATION would require my SO (significant other) to give me an enema. -Ashley

38. Your hair falls out! my whole house was full of tumbleweeds of my two foot long strawberry blonde locks. I’m talking BALD SPOTS! -Chelington

39. Delivering the placenta is the biggest relief. -Stephanie

40. No one told me that your love for your baby was like no other kind of love and that your capacity to love more than one child seems endless. -Regina


Which of these can YOU relate to?  

What new things can you add to the list –  in the comments below! 



~ Regina

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